Monday 10 October 2016

A green bough in my heart

Yesterday, I spent the day among trees, hundreds and hundreds of them in every shade from deep green to yellow. Autumn in the woods is an unparalleled time, especially on those jewel days when the sky is bright blue and the sun so warm you end up shrugging off coats and hats to play in the leaves.

In the evening, I read this proverb "If I keep a green bough in my heart, the singing bird will come". Can we keep that bough green and springing, all the time? Is that even possible, or desirable? I believe there are seasons of growth, and seasons that should be fallow, but setting that aside for a bit, lately times have been a bit bleak and it is definitely right to think about what would bring life back into our hearts.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/nayski/5675108181/in/photostream/

What feeds me? I don't mean what I chew (endlessly) in the evenings and snatched moments, trying to stave off exhaustion or anxiety. It took me much longer than it should have done to remember what used to nourish the light in my eyes. After a lot of pen-sucking and head-scratching, I have two lists of "survival kits" now and I'm going to try and use both of them. One is for Everyday, and one is for Investment-days (and those things need money or time saved up to achieve, so can only happen at intervals).


Everyday Survival Kit
- oil-burner/diffuser. I have aromatherapy oils, I love them, I have a brilliant no-flame diffuser that I can leave safely around a small child, and yet I only use it occasionally. It needs to come out more.
- teapot. Instead of a hasty cup of tea gulped here and there, inevitably the last bit drunk cold and more out of duty, once a day I am going to try and have a pot of tea, on a tray, with a decent cup. People can join me, but I am going to make drinking the cup of tea the central activity.
- armchair. My most comfy chair is (deliberately) placed away from the television, so when I curl up in it, I can't be watching TV as well, I have to accept the quiet and stillness. I need to use it more in the evenings.
- outside. I have promised myself a walk around the neighbourhood after school drop-off (on the days I'm not sprinting for the office). I need the ten minutes to move myself from mum to working-me, and to breathe.
- cleaning my bedroom. I have become excellent at putting myself, and my own environment, last. The child is thriving (thank the Lord!) but she takes all my energy, love and thought. Her bed and playspaces etc are in far better condition than mine. Time to make my room lighter, cleaner and fresher too.
- reminders. Some times of the month/year are tougher than others physically or emotionally. I have set up regular reminders to look out for these, and a stock of helpful remedies in the store cupboard.
- nutrition - a commitment to make sure that I get the right things to eat, instead of taking the lazy option (toast or pasta!). A slow-cooker, some vitamin top-up pills, and a new water bottle to remind me I need to drink it too.
- making. I used to sew, paint, write almost every day. It's been a looooooong time. I need to find much smaller projects, that can bring the creative making back in these years of less time and energy!

Investment-days
- a massage (can you imagine the sheer indulgence of selfish time and money involved? Shocking!) Quarterly, or as one wise friend put it "with every change of season"
- learning new things. I don't have much mental resource for this, but can't let it go either. My new thing for this month/season is going to a mindfulness class, free and available for people with caring responsibilities. I have so nearly cancelled, but I hope I'm going to make it.

I'm sure these kits are going to change over time, more things will be needed, some things won't be right any more, but they are a start. I hope you get to build your own kits too. It's world mental health day today and this year's theme is "Psychological First Aid" - a good reminder to take care of ourselves in emergencies, but also to do perhaps the harder job of taking precious minutes to take care of ourselves every day, and keep that green bough alive.

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